The Ultimate Revenge - No Revenge At All
I ask Tinda to explain, and in what I am learning is customary fashion for her, she gives me a short, and almost curt, answer, The ultimate revenge, is not caring. This response leaves me wanting more; it is a lot like the proverbial pulling of teeth, to get Tinda to convey meaning, to explain further, so I can secure some fill-in-the-blank answers, to my burning questions. I go in once more to what feels like electrically charged terrain, to ask for clarification.
Tinda, if the ultimate revenge is no revenge, and not caring is how one might go about seeking revenge, how can it be called, revenge? Isn't revenge recompense, a repaying of harm done? With signs of irritation on her frowning face, it appears Tinda is formulating an answer, but is reluctant to speak. Is she wondering if explanation is a waste of her time? Does she consider me too dim to comprehend her deep understanding of all things ignoble, and noble too?
Tinda steps in front of me and now we are almost eye to eye. There is a slight height difference, but I feel her condescending to my lower level, shrinking a little to accommodate my shortage. With a strained, nearly patient tone, Tinda explains, No revenge, is not caring at all. No revenge means you have detached from insult, from injury; from the desire to inflict equal, if not more pain, than you suffered. No revenge is disinterest, or interest lost. Not caring is the ultimate revenge, because connection is aschew, and reunion is untenable.
Okay, I see where you are going Tinda, but revenge is retaliation, isn't it? Isn't retaliation a way of hurting someone that has hurt me?
Yes
Yes what Tinda?
Tinda becomes visibly agitated, as though I am stealing her peace, or just plain old wasting her time with my ineptitude. This is how it is, she begins. I wait, as she pauses. After taking a deep breath, and settling her shoulders down and away from her jaw line, she resumes her explanation.
You were in relationship with someone, and there was disagreement. That person said or did some things that got you fuming mad, and you, in your fury, said some things to let them know, you were not accepting of what happened between you. This theme repeats itself, numerous times, and eventually, you stop responding because you no longer fume, fuss, get infuriated. Eventually, you just stop caring, and you no longer want to get back at that person.
You are done with them, but they may not be done, with you.
That last sentence, You are done with them, but they may not be done, with you, had me metaphorically pulling over to the side of the road in my mind, as though a tire had popped and was flattening fast. They may not be done with you, meaning of course, me. If that person is not done with me, and I just stop caring, I could see, how this would be, the ultimate form of no revenge at all.
If I don't care, I am free from the cumbersome connection gone awry, and the desire to avenge, no longer grips my soul. With a big gulp of air in, followed by a pursed lipped exhale, I realize how breakage happens in relationship; how over time, not caring anymore, about what an antagonist thinks, or believes, or does, is a way of breaking free from them. Ultimately, they no longer matter or figure into my life accounting, and when they are still in it to win it, meaning they continue to be invested in the battle for thought supremacy, it is a crushing blow for them to learn, they no longer have their human of choice, to toy with any more.
Tinda's cut and dry approach is helpful but lacks emotion. She has conviction without sentimentality. Her robotic information sharing is all at once, appreciated while being somewhat frustrating, to endure. Easy for her to say, Just stop caring, which is what I am gleaning from this conversation. The concept of no revenge at all, seems kinder to me, than just not caring. Perhaps there is a happy in-between, a middle ground that doesn't seem so harsh.
Tinda?
Yes?
Is there anything else? Is there more to this formula?
No.
Sigh, I thought not. Surprisingly, Tinda offers unsolicited insight. Know this: If you invest, and there is little to no return, you are a sucker for punishment.
Man alive Tinda, this is your finishing statement?
Tinda stares me in the eye, and I see a flash of fire there. Tinda has seen, Tinda has felt, Tinda knows of what she speaks, and to question her further at this point, is foolhardy.
I decide this exchange is done ... well, not really. It is more apropos to say Tinda's unspoken stare-me-in-the-eye-message, ended our discussion. I will consider what she shared, and whether or not I agree. In the mean time, tea is in order. Earl Grey is waiting for me.
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